In the first instalment of a series of interviews, our Head Coach, marketing man and blog writer - Ethan - questions one of our longest-serving coaches on the job.
Ethan - Sup! How’s it going?
Liam - Hello.
Ethan - Great. Thank you for answering my greeting really poorly.
Liam - You’re welcome.
Here follows an uncomfortable pause in which Ethan glares furiously at Liam.
Ethan - So let’s move on. How long have you been with us now?
Liam - Almost a year exactly.
Ethan - “Almost a year exactly”...?
Your guess is as mine with regards to the logistics of that statement.
Liam - Yeah it was the beginning of last September (2022).
Ethan - Nice. We did a trial shift for you, didn’t we? I can’t remember.
Liam formerly worked for Odin’s Plate - restaurant that sublet our kitchen and front of house until they closed in September 2022. Liam joined us from that point. Nothing wrong with a little bit of nepotism, right?
Liam - Erm… yes.
Ethan - How was that? Were you stressed?
Liam - It was a while ago… I was stressed to begin with. I was anxious. I was anxious for at least a month, but I just kinda fell into it. You get used to it. It’s very easy to get scared by people when you start, but yeah, you get used to it when you realise that they’re just people. You just chill, you have fun with people… vibe.
Ethan - Vibe? Yes, we do vibe. So what’s your favourite group of people to run a session for?
Liam - It’d have to be people around the same age as me. (Obviously. That’s such a cop out answer.) Students in their early twenties. Always fun. We have the same sort vibe, the same banter. We tend to get on really well. (If he says so himself.) Any age group and type of people can be good so long as they have good banter and they’re not up themselves about being really good at it. It’s good to be competitive. It’s bad to competitive in a really sh***y way and bring other people down. If I make a call and decide that they didn’t get the points they want, I can hear them behind me saying, “Well I think I should have got that.” Shut up. I don’t care. We’re just here to have fun, guys.
Ethan - I could not agree more. Tell me more about the real Liam, Liam? How long have you been living in our fair city of York?
Liam - About three years… Around about the years?... Going onto my fourth year.
Ethan - And what do you think the best thing about living in York is?
Liam - It’s like a city, but smaller. It’s just a city, but condensed and not overwhelmingly sprawling like any other city. The skyline as well. I hate skyscrapers and we don’t have any here. It’s perfect.
Ethan - Absolutely! Picturesque! So you’re getting pretty good at the whole axe throwing malarkey now - what’s your favourite trickshot?
Liam - (Without any hesitation at all.) The Gunslinger.
For reference, The Gunslinger is thrown like drawing a pistol from a holster. (Who would have guessed?) The Axe is held by the head and thrown underarm.
Ethan - Of course. I knew the answer before I even asked.
Liam - Gunslinger any day. It is maximum pizzazz. Maximum pizzazz for maximum consistency. (Reckon he’s getting a little too big for his boots, this guy.) I also quite like The Hook.
Ethan - Ah yes! We actually call that one The Dempsey.
Liam - The Dempsey? Oooh! I like that!
Ethan - Named after a famous boxer from the early 20th Century - Jack Dempsey.
We call it The Dempsey because we hold the axe reversed by the end of the haft with the head facing downwards and throw it like a right hook. We also just really like Jack Dempsey. Here’s a link the Wikipedia page about the man himself - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Dempsey
Liam - I know. I know who Jack Dempsey is. Hence why I went “Oooh!”
Ethan - I thought you were just pretending to seem more interesting,
Liam - I was trying to seem smart.
Ethan - You were certainly trying… Let’s move on with our day, shall we? My next question for you is one of the questions I ask when I conduct job interviews - if you could have any superpower, what would you have? How would you use it?
Liam - Immortality.
Ethan - *Groan of disgust*
Liam - Immortality. Any superpower you can think of can be created in time by science. The only caveat I would ask is that I could off myself when I’m ready to. It’s just right. Oh, you’d like to stop time? That’s cool, I can just wait until that’s a thing. If I could have two caveats, it would also include a Skyrim-style “skip time” function. When this universe ends, I could just skip time until something else happens and I could see what’s what. There isn’t a single thing in this universe I couldn’t see in time. I’d be able to explore everything.
Ethan - There’d be a bit of a language barrier. Are you one for languages?
Liam - *Smugly* I could be. In time.
Ethan - I hate you so much right now. Let’s move on. What’s your favourite dinosaur?
Liam - Erm… does the “leviatan” count? (Not a typo.)... It’s the big whale from around the time of the dinosaurs. (The dinosaurs were around for millions of years, Liam. That doesn’t narrow it down.) It’s like the biggest sea creature that’s ever existed.
Ethan - What you’re saying is… big fish. Your favourite dinosaur is a Ewan McGregor film.
Liam - *Hastily googling his own answer* It’s not just a big fish. It’s the biggest fish. *Showing the results of his googling to me* “An extinct group of macroraptorial sperm whales.
Ethan - Great. That was another sh*t answer. If you choose a fully aquatic dinosaur as your favourite there’s something wrong with you. Let’s move on - if you were a pirate, what would you call your pirate ship?
Liam - “Steve Irwin’s Revenge”. It’s a fishing vessel. Makes Japan look like Sunday angling trips with your dad.
Ethan - Japan’s not that bad, but Iceland! Woof. Those guys are in deep water with animal rights groups.
Liam - I thought Japan was the Big Bad in whaling?
Ethan - Oh, they’re bad, but most of the whale meat caught in Iceland just gets shipped to Japan and sold in vending machines. (Weird that I know about this, right?) Jason Momoa is always posting about it on his Instagram.
Liam - Wow. Well Jason Momoa would be very upset with my ship.
Ethan - I’m sure. You worry me sometimes, mate. Right, last question - if you were a cowboy, what would you call your horse?
Liam - Oh sh*t! That’s a good one. *After much hesitation* See, all I’m getting in my head is horse-named cars.
Ethan - Mustang!
Liam - Yeah. Or like horse-named things. Like “Colt” and stuff like that, so just reverse it. Honda Civic. *Awful American accent* This is ma horse, Honda Civic. You know when pets have full name?
Ethan - Oh yeah! Pedigree names?
Liam - Yeah. It’s full name would be 2006 Used Honda Civic.
Ethan - Brilliant. I actually love that. That’s been your best answer so far.
Liam - I’m glad.
Ethan - Well that brings us to the end of the interview. What can I say? It’s been an experience. Thank you for your time, Liam.
Liam - *Putting his thumb up* Thank you.
Ethan - No one can see you putting your thumb up, mate.